If I were playing Ludo, I would have been knocked back to start.
That’s how I felt yesterday.
I had spent the day at (yet another) spiritual workshop. A pretty good one – not the best I have attended though – but pretty okay. The core essence being to stand in your own power.
I am 52 years old – and have been on a spiritual journey all my life. But I was to be 35 years old before I even realized what I was doing. And from there on going all in. When I was 35 years old I was diagnosed with cancer, which was fairly easy treated but it became my doorway into a more conscious path of finding out who or what I am. More important at that time – trying to understand why my body gave me that wakeup call.
For that’s what it was. A wakeup call.
Ever since I have been on this self-discovering path, and at the same time unfolding a fragment of my powers. I have since become a therapist, a healer and a clairvoyant. Some of it through hard work – some of it natural skills unfolding.
All through this journey I have always felt two things very clearly. One – I’m born 10 years earlier than I actually was supposed to. And second – I have this inner feeling, that I have a purpose I’m meant to unfold – and I can’t quite get to the essence of what it is.
You know the feeling – so so close and yet so out of reach?
About the 10 years. They have often left me with a feeling that I’m too late to things – or to meeting the right people – or being at the right place at the right time. One might think it’s the opposite – being there in such a good time that I’m actually the first one there. But no no – it’s the opposite. Like sitting in the waiting room for 10 years looking after the train you’re waiting for. Just to realize you fell asleep when it arrived. When the ticket lady finally comes around to wake you up – all you can do is try to run after the train fading into the distance. Sometimes catching it. Sometimes not.
But back to the board game.
The reason for even participating in yesterday’s workshop is that the feeling of not finding my true calling is always lingering somewhere. I’m skilled of what I do – no question about it – but still, something is missing. And I’m basically looking everywhere, and have been for a very long time.
I left the workshop empowered, and on my way back home I went to visit a friend of mine. She is a fairly new acquaintance, but a person who is quickly becoming a dear friend. At the moment she is unfolding her own Master Path, and I feel blessed to being there alongside her, to witness it.
We talked about how easy it is to get lost in other people’s truth. How difficult it can be to stand in one’s own truth. Especially if it collides with The Truth of those around you. Both agreeing that no one holds your Truth but you.
As the talk progressed Metatron showed himself with words of wisdom, channeled by my friend. And him being presence I asked my friend to ask if I was on my path. You know – just coming from the workshop – being all empowered and all….
And the answer came immediately. So quickly, that even my friend was taken by surprise.
But please elaborate.
Which – by the way – was my next question.
It became a talk with words of wisdom. But I was not given direct answers – and I was definitely not given the answer to what my calling is.
Which in hindsight makes pretty good sense. Because it’s “Being on the path that is the goal”. Yeah yeah – I know the saying.
I’m still 52 years old, came into this life 10 – ten! – years earlier than I was supposed to. Properly to be sure to be well prepared for whatever my true calling is. AND then I’m not even there yet.
Have I been driving east while I was supposed to go west?
My friend channeled some more. About learning how to be in the presence. To be content with what is. Basically I was told to stop searching, open my eyes and see what’s right there in front of me.
In my friends garden there are 3 very powerful portals connected to the Pleiades.
In the main portal – I got to ask my own questions. Hear and see my own answers.
Being surrounded by the potent feeling of pure love – I got to see that everything is how it’s supposed to be. They laughed with me, knowing that I dislike that phrase. “Everything is how it’s supposed to be”. But it is.
They told me that I have a tendency to go on a Walkabout. Which add great learning to my self-discovering path but also keeps me quite busy until I return to the main road again.
I just remember my math teacher telling me in high school. You always find the right solution but how you find it is very complicated!! So I guess it’s not a new thing for me. Going on Walkabouts.
They showed me to open my eyes – truly look and feel the presence. To take care of me, give love to myself in any way possible. Feel who I am – what I want – what gives me joy. Just be, feel and act upon that.
I woke up this morning. Yet another self-discovering unfolding journey awaits, but somehow it feels right. I don’t feel great. It’s going to take a little time swallowing my Walkabouts. But it does feel right. I have to be honest with myself. In my search I have forgotten to really look into my feeling of right and wrong. Ask my self – does this feels right all the way through? Is this really necessary? Who am I doing this for? The greater good? Me? My family? Some other person? Why don’t I take the time to paint when I really really love doing it? And so on it goes.
The big question just being – why am I doing what I’m doing?
And I heard the channeling – I have forgotten to be present in the Now. To be content with what is and give me some real love while being there.
I have my own history – as you have yours – my backpack as I call it. In this backpack I have my reasons for being a follower instead of being a leader. A leader of my life. Yes – I have definitely needed guidance in my life, help, support and so on. And I’m thankful to each and every one that has ever crossed my path. And I still need good friends and support. But I gave some of me away along the way. I forgot to listen to what my heart says. And maybe – being 52 years old – I’m only now ready to truly listen. And stop the Walkabouts.
It’s so easy to be enchanted by the amount of workshops calling out to us. Especially if you are on a quest like me. The promise land right there on display. And on part of our path we need other people – don’t ever doubt that. Don’t deprive yourself of the great teaching relations provide. Or what a workshop can open up.. But we cannot get our Truth from someone else – we have to ultimately find our own Truth. Stand in our own Truth. Dare to leave the path some teachers claim to be the ultimately Truth. Which by the way is a Truth they might not always agree upon. This being my Truth 😉
There are lots of great teachers out there. Lots of great workshops. I’m lucky to have met quite a few of them.
But instead of searching outside of me it’s time to just be. To learn to just be. Stop searching. It’s only through that my calling – whatever it might be – can unfold. And maybe just to be – is my true calling? Who knows?
My new teacher?
Listen and you shall learn – it says.
You will still find me attending workshops, listen to other spiritual teachers. But rest assured – I’m there because it makes sense in my presence. Not because it’s part of a search for my calling. The calling will find me, when it’s ready. When I’m ready.
I think I might just have started a new game of Ludo 🙂